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Well, 2017 has drawn to a close and all I can say is what the hell was that??!! Holy crap! Since I can’t hope to compete with that level of drama, comedy and absurdity, instead I will attempt to distract you from it with the wholly mundane and ordinary goings on of the Kessler clan in this year’s installment of the Kessler Year-End Newsletter.
By law (if not yet, soon), no piece of media may be transmitted that doesn’t mention Donald Trump so let me get that out of the way right off the bat. Since this is the season of happiness and joy, and I don’t want to start anything, I will only say that he has exceeded my expectations and leave it at that. And, so far at least, the world has not come to an end (so I still have to write this).
Granted, Trump’s election was big news. But it wasn’t the biggest news at the Kessler’s house this year. The biggest news at the Kessler house is a new addition to the family. No, Marion did not get pregnant (and if she had, she’d have some ‘splainin’ to do). And no, we haven’t added any new cats to the menagerie (three is the limit before you become crazy cat people). No, the big news is the new girl in Daniel’s life I mentioned in last year’s letter became *the* girl and they were married on December 16th. Her name is Rebecca McCormick. Well Rebecca McCormick Kessler to be precise. We are thrilled for them and Marion is now not the only female in our little family (me, Daniel and 3 male cats), which makes her very happy. Unfortunately for Marion, Rebecca is a baseball fan so that still leaves her outnumbered when the playoffs conflict with what she wants to watch on TV.
Rebecca’s family is from Florida. We had a chance to meet her parents in Seattle in June. They are very nice people and we had a lovely dinner with them and Rebecca’s sister Shannon at the pub that catered the wedding. When everyone agreed without hesitation that going out for cookies and ice cream afterwards was the right thing to do, we knew we would get along well.
Rebecca teaches elementary school and Daniel just had his year anniversary at PRR where he is a video production coordinator. We got a chance to tour his office when we were in Seattle for the wedding and it’s very cool. But the best part, both then and at the wedding, was hearing his co-workers rave about what a great guy he is. We always knew that but it never hurts to hear it repeated.
This year we decided not only were Marion and I getting along too well but we also had too much money. We didn’t think the wedding would be stressful and expensive enough to solve our problem so we also decided to do some home repair and remodeling. And guess what? Problem solved! Our gutters (which we had purchased the year before in another attempt at jettisoning our money) weren’t working right and it turned out that was because the roofers had damaged them when the roof got done (see earlier comment about jettisoning money). We are *still* fighting that one although we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel finally (only 6 months later!). We also arranged to have some dry rot repaired (see gutter issues), which ended up being a bit of a nightmare to get done, and to top it off, we replaced the carpeting upstairs.
Now the new carpet looks (and feels) great! However, in order to put in new carpet, one has to remove everything from the rooms. Essentially move out of the upstairs of the house into the downstairs of the house. Well that’s as fun as it sounds. Especially, since, with my bad back, I can’t lift anything heavy. So guess who gets to do all the heavy lifting. If you guessed Marion, you are correct. If you also guessed that’s a recipe for feeling good about yourself as a man, you are not correct. But I’ll tell you one thing, my wife is tough!
Speaking of my back, that saga continues. I’ve been taking ‘muscular efficiency’ classes and while I’ve got greater range of motion and strength (and I’m thankful for that), my lower back and hips still hurt. But no major ‘outages’ and that’s a win. So that work continues with much grumbling and complaining, which while it (the grumbling and complaining) does make me feel a little bit better, it tends to not sit well with anyone nearby who has been lifting heavy objects for you and whose back isn’t a lot better than yours. So it must be done with a modicum of caution.
Speaking of health issues, we discovered this year that Marion is reactive hypoglycemic. Which means she has a blood sugar crash after eating. Which, after many years, explains the afternoon naps. She’s had to restrict her diet a lot, including not only what she eats but when. She also discovered some food allergies, like corn, which has removed her favorite food (movie popcorn) from her diet much to everyone’s great regret. A diet coke, a tub of popcorn and a movie about teenagers, or dancers, or dancing teenagers, was a favorite way to spend an afternoon. Although she did discover recently that pretzel bites and cheese aren’t too bad as a substitute.
On a happier note, last February we spent a week and a half in Hawaii, visiting Oahu for the first time and then on to Kauai. It was our first (and last) time to Waikiki, which if you’re young, rich and Asian, is the place to be. If you’re looking for a little less pretension, not so much. But I’m glad we saw it. The primary reason to go to Oahu was to see Pearl Harbor which was quite interesting and to go to the Polynesian Cultural Center which Marion remembered from a childhood visit. It’s now run (and maybe always was) by earnest young Mormons, who despite the rain (one of the few days it rained on us) were VERY happy to show us around. We learned all about the cultures of Fiji (dancing and poi), Tonga (dancing and poi), Samoa (dancing and poi), Tahiti (dancing and poi), New Zealand (dancing, Maori warriors and poi) and Hawaii (dancing, rich young Asians and poi). Actually, it was really quite interesting (and there’s much more difference between the cultures than listed here) and the brightly colored rain ponchos they handed out gave it a very festive feel as we walked around.
Kauai was beautiful and relaxing. We had a place on the beach facing east so we got a beautiful sunrise every day. And after about a week my back didn’t hurt so much. Which told me that the cure was to quit my job, retire and live on Kauai. But sadly, Obamacare doesn’t cover this particular treatment despite its proven effectiveness. So clearly the program is the failure the Republicans claim it is.
And speaking of travel, we may have inadvertently caused the standoff between the US and North Korea. We were ‘due’ for another big trip and we decided that if we were going to take an ‘exotic’ one, we better get on with it before we were too old. So we booked a trip to Cambodia and Vietnam for October of 2018. Pretty much right after that, the US and North Korea got into an argument over whose missiles are bigger. So hopefully Cambodia and Vietnam will not be a smoldering crater of radioactivity before we can get there. Or worse, while we are there. Although, if there’s going to be a nuclear war, I have to think it’s better to be vaporized in a blinding flash than to try to survive the post-apocalyptic winter, what with the zombies, giant mutant lizards and what not. But that will be next year’s letter (possibly delivered by radiation suit wearing postal zombies riding enormous wombats).
For those of you who are veterans of my previous holiday letters you may be wondering where the sports recap is. Well there wasn’t much to tell this year so it was hard to work up any enthusiasm. The Seahawks made the playoffs but lost to the Falcons in the second round. The Falcons then went on to lose to the Patriots in the biggest choke of all time. And since we’re tired of the Patriots winning the Super Bowl, the Falcons disappointed us twice. The Phillies had the worst record in baseball all season but managed to pull out a few wins at the end to only be the 2nd worst team. They can’t even lose successfully. The Trail Blazers managed to get just good enough for the 8th seed so they didn’t get in the draft lottery but did get to play (if you can call it that) the Golden State Warriors, providing the Warriors with a bit of practice before things got serious, since they couldn’t find a college team to practice against because of March Madness. And that about covers it for sports.
But speaking of sports, Daniel and I took our 13th(!) annual baseball trip again this year. This year we went to Texas. In September. If you’ve kept up with the news you may recall there was a bit of a rain around that time in Houston which caused us a bit of consternation. I had to make an awkward call to the hotel in Houston that was basically, hi, we’re just wondering if you are underwater and your lives shattered because we are coming to watch a baseball game and don’t want to be inconvenienced. But, it turned out to not be a problem. Downtown Houston was not seriously affected, nor were the roads in from the airport (at least by the time we got there). There’s a river (or a bayou actually, whatever those are) that runs through town where there was clear evidence of high water, but other than that, we saw nothing out of the ordinary. It was kind of weird. We saw the Rangers and the Astros. And the Astros went on to win the World Series which was kind of cool. We even took a break from baseball to tour the Dallas Cowboy’s stadium in Arlington which is VERY impressive, even empty. Kind of the billionaire equivalent of buying a Corvette if you get my drift but still very impressive.
Marion continued her volunteer work at Scrap where despite her best efforts, the pile of fabric she sorts through and sets prices for continues to get bigger, even though it’s the most popular item in the store. I suspect the fabric has become prescient and has found a way to reproduce on its own. But, if anything is going to become self-aware, fabric is better than robots.
She also spent some time up in Seattle helping Rebecca paint their condo. It really turned out great. Rebecca has moved in and the women’s touch on the furnishings and decor is very noticeable. Daniel and Rebecca keep discovering things they’d like us to take with us when we leave any time we’re there. If you remember the wagon wheel table from When Harry Met Sally, it’s the same principle.
Marion also spent a week at art camp in the Columbia Gorge. She was challenged to think in new ways, which is a good thing, and not challenged quite so much that it was necessary to shiv the teacher, which is also a good thing. Although she came pretty close. In the end though, she produced a very cool collage that is now hanging proudly in the guest bedroom. She plans to go again next year but will be required to go through a metal detector on her way out the door. Safety first.
I survived another layoff this year. I think that’s my 12th. The joy of working in high tech. Layoffs seem to arrive regularly, like locust. Only more frequently and with the same effect. But luckily I’m the only one who knows how to do certain things at the company and if you think I’m going to teach anyone else how, you’re crazy.
So that about wraps it up for 2017. To all our Christian friends, Merry Christmas. To all our Jewish friends, Happy Hanukkah. To all our grinchy and scroogy friends, Bah Humbug. To all our pagan, druid and wiccan friends, Happy Solstice. To all our atheist friends, Happy Day Off. And to everyone else, happy whatever it is you believe or do. We don’t judge.
And in closing, I leave you with this question that vexes me every Christmas. IF you have the wherewithal to remember Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen, how could you possibly not recall THE MOST FAMOUS REINDEER OF ALL! I mean come on, he’s the most famous one! What did Blitzen ever do? “What did you say his name was? “Rudolph? Never heard of him. Bright red nose? Saved the day one Christmas? Nope, not ringing a bell”. If you can explain this to me, please do.
Peace, love and joy everyone and here’s to a happy, healthy, prosperous and safe 2018.