I wrote this back in 2009 and I honestly can’t remember what prompted me to do so. It was right around Christmas time, not surprisingly. And I suspect I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by it as I sometimes do. Anyway, I think it’s rather clever (if I do say so myself). It was fun finding a collection of words that all rhymed with ‘halls’
Ode To Christmas
by Bart Kessler
Tis the season to be jolly
So break out the tree and holly
Bake the cookies, put the lights up, deck the halls.
Finish up your Christmas greetings
Figure out the dinner seatings
Buy the turkey, make the stuffing, hit the malls!
Hey! That’s where I was parking
(Can those angels PLEASE stop harking)
Get your hands off that last box of Christmas balls.
Oh my God this clerk’s obnoxious
And they’re charging for gift boxes
Plus the weather’s like we live in Frostbite Falls.
The new neighbors have a light show
that could land a plane at Heathrow
And their baby Jesus blinks his eyes and crawls.
There are people here tomorrow
There’s the extra chairs to borrow
And we’ve got to get the play-doh off the walls.
Prep the guest room for the in-laws
Hide the liquor from them because
When they drink they act just like neanderthals.
Built the bike a bit lopsided
Called the number they provided
But the 1-800 line’s not taking calls.
Don’t know how we ever do it
but it’s worth it to go through it
all the stresses, strains and shopping free-for-alls.
It’s cause all the trials we weather
bring the family close together.
So if you find your Christmas spirit flags or stalls
Just remember why you do it
And the other stuff? Well screw it.
Merry Christmas, peace on earth to one and all